There was a day when I put off going to the dentist because I dreaded the shot so badly but today I felt no fear, no hesitation and no intimidation walking into the dentist knowing that I was going to be “numbed up.” I guess after 2 home births (9 and 10 pound babies), 2 major abdominal surgeries and 3 minor surgeries there isn’t much that can hurt me anymore. I didn’t even flinch as they gave me the first 3 shots and then ended up giving me 3 more because I wasn’t numb. All I could think is that I have been poked so many times in the last 10 months that I feel like it’s just part of my days now. It’s crazy to look at the changes in me. I see things so differently now. I don’t really get worked up about anything except for wanting this journey to be over. I have healed many relationships and enjoyed my kids so much more since this all began. My eyes have been opened to the reality of what holding on to anger and resentment can do to your body. I heard someone say once that “holding on the anger and resentment is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.” That was a powerful statement that I will never forget and as I walk through this day by day I have learned what that really means. I also have learned that if you put out appreciation and respect it will get mirrored back to you and if you put out disrespect and lack of appreciation you will get that in return too. This week I met with someone who I have been very angry at for at least the last 2 years. When I heard his name it made me boil inside. I did my best not to talk poorly about him even though I felt such hate. Then this week I woke up and it hit me…it’s time. It’s time to resolve this and do some healing. I called him and asked him to meet me to talk. We had a great discussion I explained where I was coming from and how I was taking responsibility for my part in the conflict and he apologized too. It felt very freeing to put out that I wasn’t going to harbor this anger anymore. I feel unbelievably at peace about it and believe I can now move forward now. Mark has taught me so much and the coolest part is that he directs but it’s up to me to figure out what to do with it. I think he was surprised when I called to tell him that I had this meeting and that it went so well. I made it about me and told him what I needed from him instead of just being the self sacrificer like I normally would and I didn’t need to justify my actions in order to make me feel like I was right. It’s a good feeling to be healthy emotionally. I know this journey is far from over and I honestly can say I can’t wait to see what I learn next.