Well I’m finally slowed down enough to write an entry. It’s been a year since my diagnosis and first surgery. I find it kind of ironic that almost a year to the day of my diagnosis and thinking my life was ending I watched my beautiful niece being born and her life just beginning. Also when I got home I threw a surprise party for my best friend with her husband. It made me so grateful to be healthy enough to enjoy these moments and look forward to many more. I am so busy since I got home and am doing a modified fast before my CT next week. I’m a little nervous about my scan since I didn’t do as well on my diet while on vacation as I should have but feel pretty good over all. Praying for great results. I was recently given a kitchen gadget called a norwalk juice press by a lovely lady who happened upon my yard sale. They are incredible little things. They do juice, nut butter, salads ect and am so blessed to have one. Yesterday the girls and I juiced about 16 qrts of juice and froze several for them for school. It was a lot of fun, today maybe some sunshine and relaxation…after bills and laundry.
Archive for Crystal Heimgartner
No baby yet but we are passing the time relaxing, washing baby clothes and putting together the baby furniture. I am enjoying the time with my sister. The last time we were together she was in Idaho helping me recover from surgery and going through the most nasty chemo there is. It is so nice to be here helping her and be able to sit up and function. It’s nice to be able to take care of her this time. I’ve been cooking healthy meals for them and staying inside as Tropical Storm Bonnie came and went. It’s beautiful today but the time inside gave me a day to sit and start putting together and outline for my book. It’s starting to come together a little more every day. Today I am going to a pool party/fundraiser with my uncle Brenden, finally I get to enjoy some Florida sunshine.
I’m sitting in the airport waiting to board my flight and I feel so excited to get some rest and sister time in. I have never been away from my kids for this long but I know it will be really good for all of us. Yesterday was an exciting busy day. It started with one of my best friends and biggest supporters Jenna having shoulder surgery. She did really well despite the fact that she had a really unusual tear. The Dr said in the 10 years he’s been doing that surgery he’s never seen one like it but feels confident that they got a good repair. I was really glad that I got to be there for her as she has been by my side through my entire journey. She and I had lunch within hrs of hearing that something was desperately wrong with my body, she took me to my CT, let me stay with her before, after and during all of my treatments and procedures and was by my side every chance she had. She is a real gem and was so funny and brave through out it all.
While she was in surgery I went over to the chemo suit and had my port flushed. Every time I walk in there I feel very overwhelmed with emotion. I notice the people who have all their hair and you can tell are getting ready to “start” this journey. They are unsure of what to expect and some of them look defeated already but my favorite are the ones who look so determined. I only hope that fire and fight don’t fade as the effects get more and more uncomfortable. There are those of us with a variety of short hair styles anxiously waiting to see if we are maintaining those oh so important numbers and praying that we never have to go back to the beginning ever again. The hardest ones to see are those who are bald, quietly covering their bald bodies with fake eyelashes, painted on brows and the little scarves and hats that mostly keep your head warm and provide you a little security to feeling like people don’t know how you look under there. I wish there was a way for me to tell everyone how they can make a few lifestyle changes, whether they stay on chemo or not, that could dramatically affect the out come of their lives. It’s for that reason that I have decided that I WILL write a book to share my story. There are many details that I still need to work out about how I intend to go about it but last night I met with my uncle Marty’s girl friend who a published author and an English professor. She told me that she would be glad to help me and connect me with her publisher and other connections as I progress. I am very excited about where this will lead. I also met with another woman, who I met through facebook, to discuss our plan to start a cancer clothing line for people with scars, appliances and other medical “defects” A lot of exciting stuff to come. I am excited to start filling my thoughts with all of this new passion instead of cancer. Those days are coming. For now..off to Florida to welcome a new baby niece into the world and nurture a relationship with a sister 
I barely made it but Day 12 is here and I had cauliflower for brunch Gary and I have a pretty busy day shooting events at shore lodge/white tail today and the food is supposed to be amazing tonight so I hope I feel well enough to enjoy it. I am grateful for all the prayers and encouragement the last few days. I have a busy few days and then headed to Florida to see my niece be born. This birth will be very special because my sister was here after my November surgery(when I was told there wasn’t much hope) and spent a month with me. She found out that she was pregnant while she was here and we weren’t sure I would be around for this occasion so the fact that I’m here and feeling well enough to go is a gift in it self. Back to work
I’m supposed to limit my computer and phone time so this will be brief. Today is day 7 of an 11 day water only fast. I keep getting asked about “why” and “is that healthy” so here’s a little information. There is a difference between fasting and starving. Starving is when you stop eating and you keep active, therefore your body burns muscle and important stuff making you feel awful, with headaches ect. Fasting is when you stop eating and try to relax, then it burns up the garbage in your body including fungus, bacteria and even tumors. Because it is burning up the yucky stuff you often notice bad breath and some body odor being excreted. You have to excrete through respiration, perspiration and urination because your bowls shut down. It can be very beneficial if done correctly. Thanks for all the support this week it has been a little rough at times but its all for long term benefits.
Your questions about Crystal, answered!
***Click on the question to reveal the answer!***
General / Other
Can Crystal still have her normal job? Does she now let little work things roll off her chest? Was she holding that in before? (Click for Answer)
It would be somewhat difficult for me to have a "normal" job because of my energy variations and my need to have Dr apts frequently ect but I do have a photography business and do all the bookwork for Daricks construction company so that on top of 2 kids is plenty of work. I tended to be a major self-sacrificer before and now I am still that way and kind but I try harder to make sure my needs get met as well.
What has Crystal done to make her life more positive...energy/spiritual wise? (Click for Answer)
I think some things that I have done to make my life more positive are: Living for today and realizing that tomorrow is not promised. I am more aware of Gods showing us the gifts in our life and trying to find the lessons he is teaching us. As for energy. Part of my energy has to so with the food that I eat and the supplements I take but I just got a prescription for bioidentical hormones and I believe they will be a tremendous help for energy and other biological factors.
What has been the most difficult lifestyle change to overcome? (Click for Answer)
I think the hardest thing to deal with is the ostomy and having a little trouble eating out but you learn little tricks.
Diet
What is her biggest word of diet advice for all of us to change? (Click for Answer)
My biggest advise would be READ LABELS and also for people to make as many changes as the can. Buy as much organic as you can afford. There are lists online that show the most important products to buy organic. But cutting down sugar and eating as much fresh stuff as you can. I have several places that I buy quality products online. One being azurestandard.com They deliver to many cities in idaho regularly and are very affordable. I have a local phone number if anyone is interested. I don't eat things that have vegetable oil, canola oil, high fructose corn syrup ect.
Does she ever cheat on her diet? What happens if she does? (Click for Answer)
There are times when I "cheat" but that is very rare. Mark tells me that this is "real" life and I have to do the best I can. He says if you are doing 80-90% of the "perfect diet" you are doing pretty well.
Why does she have to fast and not just change her diet? (Click for Answer)
Fasting vs "The diet" fasting causes my body to burn up the garbage in my body. Right now I am trying to get the tumors to reduce enough that they will do the reversal for me. The diet just helps me maintain and not necessarily reduce as quickly.
How does Crystal stay motivated to remain on such a strict diet? (Click for Answer)
What keeps me motivated to stick to it is the long term. Not only do I feel better but I am here for my family even though they said I wouldn't be.
Why does her doctor feel like she should change her diet? Does diet directly impact cancer? (Click for Answer)
Sugar feeds cancer so I have to cut out things that turn to sugar in the body. It keeps the tumors from growing. I also just try to nourish my body instead of eating for fun as much. I still get to eat things that taste good though and your body adjusts.
Do you have any natural herbs or vitamins that you have to take? Do you take probiotics, Garlic, etc...? (Click for Answer)
Yes, and they vary based on my needs.
Armor thyroid
Standard process brand:
Calcium lactate
Cataplex F
Idamere
Thymex
Arginex
Cataplex B
Cataplex E
Drenamin
Min-Chex
Chlorophyl Complex
Medi-Herb brand:
LivCo
Burdock complex
Nutri-West brand:
Magnesium Chelate
Thera-Zyme brand:
HCL
And Ester C
Is fasting healthy for Crystal? (Click for Answer)
There is a difference between fasting and starving. Starving is when you stop eating and you keep active, therefore your body burns muscle and important stuff making you feel awful, with headaches, ect... Fasting is when you stop eating and try to relax, then it burns up the garbage in your body including fungus, bacteria and even tumors. Because it is burning up the yucky stuff you often notice bad breath and some body odor being excreted. You have to excrete through respiration, perspiration and urination because your bowel shuts down. It can be very beneficial if done correctly.
Why does Crystal have to fast? (Click for Answer)
The main reason her doctor has her fast is to to detox and get her liver and kidneys back on track and hopefully lower her ca-125. Her ca-125 (cancer count) was up in July 2010. She has done a couple 3 and 4 day fasts and she is currently on a 10 day fast (as of 7/12/2010). She can drink water only. Her specific fast does not let her be on the computer or talk on the phone. She is not allowed to do anything physical or stimulating activities. After day 3 or 4 her hunger pain decreases and it becomes easier to deal with. She is pretty weak but she's still living each day somewhat normally as much as she can with her fasting limitations.
Excercise
What does a typical work out look like? (Click for Answer)
I can do a similar workout as anyone else. I love crossfit and usually modify it if needed to make it work for me and also do some yoga.
How long can she work out? (Click for Answer)
I have to be careful how much I work out because if I spend too much energy working out my body doesn't have as much energy to put towards healing. Especially while fasting, then there is no working out.
What limitations does Crystal have when it comes to working out? (Click for Answer)
I love to work out however right now I have to be some what careful about it. I can't do much abdominal stuff because of the ostomy.
Family / Friends
How are the immediate family members helping with her diet/lifestyle? Do they participate? If not, is that difficult for her? (Click for Answer)
My family is starting to get a lot more involved but my husband still loves his junk food and my kids are still kids so they love their treats too even though they have cut way back. My children are much more conscious of the things they eat. Our rule is that they eat "healthy" for breakfast and dinner and for lunch they are sometimes allowed "kid food"(like school lunch) but I have modified lots of traditional kid food to make it better for them, such as Rice noodle macaroni and cheese and brown rice tortilla quesadillas, or organic(gluten free) pizza. They don't really notice a difference in a lot of things. i also sneak vegetables in things by putting them in my vitamix blender. Some family members are more supportive that others and try to have things that I can eat when I come to visit but for the most part I bring my own food and try to be prepared.
Ovarian Cancer
Can anyone get ovarian cancer? (Click for Answer)
Anyone can get ovarian cancer and should watch their bodies for symptoms just like breast or skin cancer.
Does Mark believe that cancer comes from tragic life events or tough emotional duress? (Click for Answer)
Mark does believe that events in life trigger cancer and the order of events coincide directly with the things in my life. He believes that we attract everything in our lives both good and bad.
Where does she receive most of her treatment? Hospital/clinic/Mark's house? (Click for Answer)
I receive most of my treatment at McCall Wellness Center but I am also seen at MSTI(mountain states tumor institute)
Why do the doctors believe she wasn't making progress with Chemo? (Click for Answer)
As for why the chemo wasn't working for me, if you read the 2 books that I listed as my favorites right now you'll get a better understanding of what really happens with chemo. I had horrible side effects and was on the verge of death. Chemo is no guarantee and quality of life is SO important to me.
Has any woman ever recovered from a Stage 4 Ovarian Cancer diagnosis? (Click for Answer)
Yes, some women do recover from a stage 4 ovarian cancer diagnosis. Ovarian cancer that has reached Stage 4 is the most deadly form of the condition. While about two-thirds of the women diagnosed with Stage I or Stage II ovarian cancer will eventually be cured and 13 percent of women diagnosed in Stage III can recover completely, less than five percent of the women diagnosed with Stage IV ovarian cancer survive for five years after the cancer is discovered.
Who is Mark? (Click for Answer)
Many times in her journals, Crystal mentions "Mark". Dr. Mark Colafranceschi (McCall Wellness Center) is the holistic doctor that Crystal sees for the holistic regimen she is currently undergoing. This regimen includes large changes to diet, fasting, and other behavioral changes. To learn more about Crystal's lifestyle with Ovarian Cancer, visit: http://helpcrystal.org/living-with-ovarian-cancer/
Emotions
What does dealing with emotional issues from the past have to do with cancer? How does she deal with these things with out being hurt more? (Click for Answer)
"Like attracts like" so you get back what you put out. Therefore by dealing with my fathers death ect in a healthy way I will attract health.
Does she feel like she is able to REALLY let everything out? (Click for Answer)
Sometimes I feel like I have to keep it all together for everyone else but I have had a few meltdowns, usually in private.
What healthy emotional outlet is available that does not add to creating more cancer cells? (Click for Answer)
Emotionally I do a LOT of work with Mark, worksheets, meditation ect.
What provides her strength? (Click for Answer)
My strength comes from God and the tremendous support I have from family, friends and even people I have never even met.
Fun / Recreation
Can Crystal do anything she wants in terms of recreation? What is her favorite thing to do for fun? Does she still run? Is another marathon in her vision? (Click for Answer)
I can do most things I want. For fun I love to snowboard, be in the sunshine and recently I love to play hockey. I haven't been running much but hope to get back into it in the future. I would love to run another marathon maybe in 2011.
Today is day 2 of a 10 day water only fast. People keep saying how hard that must be and how strong I am. All I can say is fasting is no where as hard as the chemo I was on. I felt weak and sick and all of that on chemo for a lot longer than 10 days. I’m not kidding myself that this won’t test me physically and emotionally however. Mark wants me to spend this time really thinking about how much time I spend thinking, directly or indirectly, on having cancer and what I am going to do with that time once I don’t have to have appointments and tumors and ostomys to think about. I have thought about that some and the first 2 things that have come to mind are building my photography business with Gary and writing a book. I have never wanted to write a book but for some reason I feel compelled to tell the story of ovarian cancer. I was watching TLC yesterday and a woman’s Dr thought she had ovarian cancer but instead she was pregnant and didn’t know it. The statement that really caught my attention was :
Cancer of the ovaries is the most deadly form of female reproductive cancer. By the time its detected its usually too late to be effectively treated.
I have heard that statement in one form or another for the last 10 months and it makes me crazy. Not only is it treatable it can be detected if there was more awareness for it. All we ever hear about breast cancer. i have nothing against breast cancer but why are they the only ones getting attention? All cancer is hard and deserves awareness and attention so my goal is to get some more awareness and options out to those who need to know. Also I would like to let people know about the options there are in the holistic realm as well. I want to talk about the chemicals and junk in our food and how it plays a factor in our health. I haven’t really thought it through a lot on how I want to go about it exactly but it something I am seriously considering.
I am still thinking through other options as well but I am excited at the thought of doing something besides thinking about being sick
I’m 2 days into this fast and I’ve already lost 3 lbs. I find it kind of funny honestly. At least I can wear some of the clothes that I don’t usually get to during this time when I’m not worried about the ostomy. jeans and swim suits. wooo hoo. I have had to adjust my wardrobe so much over the last 10 months but I feel better and better about it all the time. I do miss jeans however. SOON….
I switched oncologists. I switched to the son of my old Dr. He is younger and seems a lot more open minded. I had my first apt with him on Tuesday and even though my CA-125 is up again he was very kind and encouraging. He and I discussed chemo and the horrible side affects I had. He told me that the chemo that I was on is the nastiest chemo there is and that he wasn’t surprised that I didn’t handle it well. He said that he understood that I would want to have a quality of life and be a mom instead of suffering especially since there was no guarantee that the chemo would help me. He said that he is fine with me going through the summer doing what I am doing and then running another CT and blood draw. His nurse called me that afternoon and told me that my numbers are up to 130 and that if I wanted to be seen sooner for any symptoms just to call. They didn’t make me feel pressured though which I appreciated. I of course called Mark and he reassured me that as long as I’m under 200 right now that he’s still confident. So my intentions are to get back on my strict strict diet as I have been slacking a little and keep doing what I’m doing. I see Mark on Friday and hopefully I will get on bioidentical hormones in the next few days. I am hopeful for the future.
The girls are really into “how many day till…(the next thing we have to look forward to)” So today on the way to school Rilynn says to me ” Mommy, how many days until you’re done with this Chemo and Cancer thing?” I kind of smiled and said “I’m not sure, but I’m fighting as hard as I can.” She replied with “I know mom, I just wish I knew how many more days till it was over…” I said “Me too babe, me too.”
She is such a smart little girl and it hurts to know that those thoughts even cross her mind, but I know she will be strong and brave because of all of this. I know that I am doing all I can to make a difference in their lives and their perspective on life. As Darick and I thought about how to spend our tax money. We discussed buying a few things for the house or finding something to buy that we’ve been eyeing like most people do with theirs but we decided that we want to build memories with our kids. Tomorrow isn’t promised to any of us so we might as well take advantage of the time we have. We have decided to use it for our family trip. We go to Lahonton every year and have decided to take a couple extra days and drive the remaining 8 hrs to Disney. We’re taking the camper to make it cheaper and easier for me to have my food and ostomy supplies. We are all really excited and anxious. My friend Amber sent me this today and it really touched me. I look at my kids as the starfish.
Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.
One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up.
As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean. He came closer still and called out “Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?” The young man paused, looked up, and replied “Throwing starfish into the ocean.” “I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?” asked the somewhat startled wise man. To this, the young man replied, “The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don’t throw them in, they’ll die.” Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, “But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can’t possibly make a difference!”
At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he said, “I made a difference to that one!”
Today I went to see Mark since I have still been having dizzy spells and problems with my vision and energy. He did some tests and told me that I have some adrenal problems and a problem with my cerebellum. Stupid cancer, it has caused so many problems. He’s not concerned about it. He just changed some of my pills around and told me to check in on Thursday to see if it has improved. He also told me to plan on a 2 week fast when we get back from vacation. Ugh I hate fasting, but he says after the first 4 days it gets better. He says no stimulation during that time so I’m not sure I will even be journalling. I get frustrated at times because I look normal but I still don’t feel “normal.” I have some really good days and some where I don’t get dressed or get anything done. I know people often forget I am sick because when they see me out it is usually a “good” day and I look and feel pretty good. I can’t wait for a day when all I have is Good days, or at least mostly good days
There was a day when I put off going to the dentist because I dreaded the shot so badly but today I felt no fear, no hesitation and no intimidation walking into the dentist knowing that I was going to be “numbed up.” I guess after 2 home births (9 and 10 pound babies), 2 major abdominal surgeries and 3 minor surgeries there isn’t much that can hurt me anymore. I didn’t even flinch as they gave me the first 3 shots and then ended up giving me 3 more because I wasn’t numb. All I could think is that I have been poked so many times in the last 10 months that I feel like it’s just part of my days now. It’s crazy to look at the changes in me. I see things so differently now. I don’t really get worked up about anything except for wanting this journey to be over. I have healed many relationships and enjoyed my kids so much more since this all began. My eyes have been opened to the reality of what holding on to anger and resentment can do to your body. I heard someone say once that “holding on the anger and resentment is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.” That was a powerful statement that I will never forget and as I walk through this day by day I have learned what that really means. I also have learned that if you put out appreciation and respect it will get mirrored back to you and if you put out disrespect and lack of appreciation you will get that in return too. This week I met with someone who I have been very angry at for at least the last 2 years. When I heard his name it made me boil inside. I did my best not to talk poorly about him even though I felt such hate. Then this week I woke up and it hit me…it’s time. It’s time to resolve this and do some healing. I called him and asked him to meet me to talk. We had a great discussion I explained where I was coming from and how I was taking responsibility for my part in the conflict and he apologized too. It felt very freeing to put out that I wasn’t going to harbor this anger anymore. I feel unbelievably at peace about it and believe I can now move forward now. Mark has taught me so much and the coolest part is that he directs but it’s up to me to figure out what to do with it. I think he was surprised when I called to tell him that I had this meeting and that it went so well. I made it about me and told him what I needed from him instead of just being the self sacrificer like I normally would and I didn’t need to justify my actions in order to make me feel like I was right. It’s a good feeling to be healthy emotionally. I know this journey is far from over and I honestly can say I can’t wait to see what I learn next.
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