Today I feel sad and happy. This place always brings mixed emotions.. As I lay her getting ready to get my third treatment I can hear a conversation going on “next door.” The gentleman is talking about how they want them to go to Portland and he says “he can’t be away that long.” I can hear the pain in his wife’s voice as she tries to convince him to try and fight. I hear him say ” it’s just prolonging it, my uncle got cancer and he didn’t take any of this chemotherapy.” he is feeling like he is only doing this to give his wife some more time and I can feel him giving up. It is heart breaking and as he begins to tear up as the nurse talks to him. I can feel his pain and my heart aches to speak to him. I understand his hopeless feeling, I was once there myself. I remember the days when I thought I didn’t have a chance. I began to feel hot tears in my eyes but fought them back. I may try to talk to him if the moment arises. On the other side of the coin there’s happy. Happy to be alive, happy to have amazing daughters, a great family and boyfriend and the ability and support to fight for what I believe in. Mark came with me again today and he is comic relief and everyone loves him. He asked Dr. Zuckerman today “on the miracle scale of 1-10 where would you put Crystal?” Dr. Zuckerman replied “An 11.” he went on to say, “not to be morbid, but I don’t think ANY of us thought Crystal would be here in 2012 when we met her.” Mark looked blown away, I think people sometimes think I am exaggerating a little when I tell them my prognosis. I am at a 2 and a half years since I was diagnosed this month, long past what they expected and still going strong. They told me that I was doing great and that he takes no credit for my success. He said it is all about me, my healthy lifestyle, will to live and hard work. That makes me feel good, I’m glad my hard work is amounting to something. I also saw Dr. Carr and Dr. Perez today, they were both impressed with my progress and results post surgery. I have been really good to keep oils on the burn and they were both super impressed with amount of healing I have experienced already especially during chemotherapy. They told me that whatever i am doing to jeep doing it and we should continue to see results up to about 4-6 weeks so hopefully it keeps shrinking. I’m starting to get cloudy headed from the drugs so tah tah for now.
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