Today I have a lot to say. So many emotions running through my head. As I was logging on here today I realized that I hadn’t checked on the other caring bridges of others I have met. In May 2010 I met a little girl named AmyLynne in the waiting room of St Lukes. We were both sitting there drinking our contrast waiting to have cat scans to see how our bodies looked on the inside. She was so brave and I could see the pride in her mothers eyes and hear it in her voice when she told me her story. At the time she was 7 turning 8 in the fall, the exact age as Rilynn at the time. She impacted me so much and for a while I continued to read her blog but life got busy and I forgot and today when I had an overwhelming urge to check it out I found that she had passed not too long after we met. I was instantly brought to tears even though I only met this little girl once.

I have been struggling with my attitude a little lately. Friday I was here with Lyndie when she got the call that her cousin Tammy had died and now AmyLynne. 2 people I didn’t know very well yet I have connections to people who knew and loved them. Both taken by this stupid cancer! Do we bring this on ourselves? Is it out of our control? What can we do to stop it?! These thoughts coupled with this abdominal pain that wears me down and the bloated belly I feel like punching someone or throwing them off a cliff. A hypothetical person of course. I get tired of the pain. At what point have we suffered enough?

On a different note, I’ve been having discussions with myself about morality. It is eye-opening to me that I feel a different kind of love from a man who has never been to church, has no faith knowledge yet has such strong morals. Darick was raised in a christian home, went to church and didn’t apply some of the love knowledge in his life. This makes me question where real love and morality come from? If they were both Christians I would say one is a head knowledge and one is a heart knowledge but since Joel doesn’t have that background I find myself questioning it. It makes me think it is an innate quality that God gives us, believers or not and we choose whether to listen to it or not. It’s the only way I can explain the unconditional God kind of love from a man who doesn’t know God, or doesn’t know him like I do. I say that because he is so open-minded. He lets me be who I am, I don’t hide my christian music and he often comes in with me when I pray with the girls. I love that I feel so open about that part of my life and that he’s not afraid of my background. Well back to real life for the moment, lots of problems to solve in this world.

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