The good the bad and the difficult…
So it’s official, Darick and I are getting a divorce. It’s a very difficult decision that I take very seriously. The transition has been somewhat in place since December and we are just now in a place where we feel like it’s time to take the next step. Thankfully it isn’t an ugly situation for the most part and we are both TRYING our best to be mature and handle it with our children as the biggest priority. I have know since the beginning of this journey that the difficulties in my marriage were a huge part of my illness and it would have to go one way or the other. With that in mind we have (mostly me) been going to counseling and seeing if there is a chance to repair some of the damage and difficulties in our marriage unfortunately we weren’t both invested and maybe not even capable of making that happen. In talking with a pastor last week, he told me “At this point you leaving your marriage isn’t optional its necessary.” With sadness in my heart I believe he is absolutely correct so I am slowly making the steps to find work and a place to live. With that comes a lot of decisions. Where to live?! Do I stay here and battle controversy to ensure he has an easier time seeing the girls or do I move to Boise and have a fresh start where both my Dr.’s and Sister are? It’s a lot to consider and in this transition he is also thinking he will move to Lewiston so he will be even farther away. So many things weighing on my mind so instead of rushing into a lease I have decided to move in with my friend Brian, where the girls and I will be sharing a room in a tiny apartment for now so that I have time to wait on God to help me make those decisions. The Sacrifice is worth not making the wrong choice out of being rushed.
The last few weeks have been full of packing, job interviews and a few moments of pure fun mixed in. I am grateful for my friends and family who show me a little fun in the mix of all the hard stuff. I know that the good stuff is coming. I’m starting to expect it and believe that I deserve it. I have such an amazing group of friends who help keep me on track and I will find my way through the darkness. My daughters bring me joy everyday, even when they are rotten :), and they keep me going. My goal is to just be there for them as I always have, to try to break the cycle and teach them of there worth and potential. I’ll be so much better on the other side of this I do truly believe that.
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