It’s been a very busy few weeks with some big ups and downs emotionally. Being “sick” and having some emotional and physical hang ups make it hard on relationships. As I move forward I see some people who want to move forward with me and some who are stuck in the old ways. I have been working on me for almost a year and a half now and know that I am not the same person I was when this started. Mostly for the better. I am much better at standing my ground and refusing to stay in “this space” however that puts a lot of pressure on those around me to step up who they are as well. In the last year I have really realized that I have settled a lot in my life and not continued to reach for the things that I really want. As a parent and a partner I feel like we get stuck in these trends where our wants and needs come last and thus manifest resentment, bad choices and even disease. So as I move forward to heal the emotional triggers to my illness I have to move away from those that refuse to move forward as well.
Also I have been playing hockey despite the fact that I am often very uncomfortable with my ostomy and some of the embarrassing things that come with it. I have decided to try and go to the tournament despite the fact that I would have to travel and stay with people I don’t really know. That makes me really put myself out there but I am TRYING! I love sports and hockey is so much fun. I hope to do it for a long time.
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